Quarrels, scandals - are in almost every family, this is an emotional reaction as a result of prolonged irritation. It looks like a high fever in an illness, when all hidden processes and accumulated problems are exacerbated. So this is a perfectly acceptable phenomenon, but sometimes the "temperature" rolls over, and constant "showdowns" arise between the spouses.
Disagreement Causes and Behaviors
Conflicts in the family or in the work team reflect a clash of different interests, mismatch of expectations and help identify problematic issues. Every day we overcome many conflict situations, but lingering inattention and misunderstanding leads to the fact that we have to literally scream or even cry in order to gain sympathy.
- It is necessary to distinguish between the reason and the reason for tantrum - the cause may be difficulties at work, and the reason may be any careless statement or action of the spouse. For example, it’s hard for a wife to admit that “I can’t cope with my duties,” it’s much easier to say that “everyone is finding fault, it’s impossible to work,” the mood is lousy, the weather is disgusting, and the planet rushes into a cold void.
- It should highlight the main, specific cause of hysteria, since in this state a woman is able to collect in one pile all the claims that have accumulated. If you immediately show interest and sympathy, then she will quickly calm down and move on to a constructive conversation.
Your goal: to understand and support a person, and not just to quickly stop "bullying" and "hassle".
Try to concretize each accusation: "I'm tired of all this" - "where would you like to relax?". In response to other people's grievances, you cannot dump your own: "Nobody helps me" - "I also don’t notice help." You will still have the opportunity to calmly discuss your complaints.
- You can not ignore the tantrum, show that nothing serious is happening, joke or pull away. Worst of all is to leave and slam the door, leaving the person alone with his frustrated feelings. A proven way to enrage a person is to say to him “calm down, don't be nervous”, then a squally burst of emotions is provided. You need to say "let's discuss what bothers you."
- You can’t provoke a hysterical state, say "shout louder," or give your hands utensils for whipping. It is necessary to discuss actions and deeds, and not of the person himself, for example, "I find it difficult to immediately understand this situation" instead of "you are doing nonsense."
In any conflict, as in an accident, one is to blame, but both suffer, so we will have to arrange a detailed investigation. Otherwise, hidden discontent will again become a cause of disagreement.
Look for simple solutions, even in difficult cases, if it is impossible to immediately find a compromise solution, proceed in stages. Do not demand more than a person can fulfill, this will further aggravate the situation.
First of all, it is necessary to show emotional solidarity - "I agree, it is unfair that you were made a comment," and then give rational arguments that "you need to improve your skills."
Even if you are offended and insulted it is better to refrain from reciprocal expressions, then you will be the “injured party” and not a participant in the ugly scene. The one who is offended shows weakness, and the one who forgives becomes stronger and never regrets it.
Men and women: the struggle of mentality
Wonderful weather does not always happen in a life together; precipitation with gusty winds also happen. If a man says: “I’m left hungry today,” and a woman replies: “you never listen to me,” then in fact, the man probably watched the news and did not hear the invitation to dinner.
A man takes decisive action when he really thinks of doing so, and a woman, collecting her suitcase with things, expects that she will be persuaded and held. And then he’ll add to the list of male sins that he “couldn’t hold me back”.
A man by nature has more restrained behavior, so the impression is that he does not experience strong feelings and is not capable of empathy. But in stressful situations, someone needs to control behavior and protect the family.
For a man, it’s more important to understand the causes of the conflict and ways to resolve it, and for a woman, the main thing is to admit that she is right and support even absurd statements. As when choosing a car, the man is more interested in the meaningful characteristics, the meaning of what was said, and for the woman, the speaker’s texture, intonation and gestures are of great importance .
And it will turn out, as in a joke: the wife complains to the psychologist that the husband works late, then he works with the children and prepares dinner, and there is no time to take out the garbage. The psychologist agrees with her husband that he will allocate time for this. The wife again complains to the psychologist, he asks: does the husband really not take out the trash? - He endures, but does it with a displeased look.
"Boiling point"
Serious symptoms that threaten family well-being:
- public showdownwhen friends or relatives are drawn into a quarrel, appeal to someone else’s opinion, comparison with other people;
- constant quarrels for the same reason for example, due to the behavior of the mother-in-law, who interferes in family affairs and sets up the son against the wife, it is necessary to eliminate negative factors;
- threats and blackmail help to achieve the desired, but cause irreversible harm to family happiness.
People should not openly support a certain side. The couple will reconcile, but they will remember who was on the other side of the barricade. When a wife says “scoundrel and scum” about her husband, it sounds confidential, and when a mother or girlfriend says such a thing about him, then this, of course, is alarming. And it’s better to keep priceless tips like “throw it faster” with you.
If you consider yourself an adequate, responsible person, you should clearly understand that a quarrel occurs in a few minutes, and the consequences last for a long period.
